Shadow Work: Taking back Projections

‘Perfectly imperfect’ is a kind and generous way to see yourself just as you are. It allows space for making mistakes and learning from them. A work-in-progress. No sinner, no saint, just human.

Much of your learning comes when you bump up against your Shadow, whatever you don’t want to know about yourself, but are ready to integrate into a more well-rounded you.

Besides unexpected outbursts, another way to find what you’ve relegated to Shadow is projection. When you have an outsized reaction to someone’s behavior, you are pushing away something similar in you and projecting it onto others. You deem them bad and you good.

You can see that quite easily in a certain narcissistic politician, a master of projection. When he labels someone with a negative quality, it’s often clearly part of his own personality. His lack of self-awareness is vast and damaging.

You can also see projection as throwing shade at someone whom you actually envy or admire. You see skills or gifts you haven’t fully owned yourself, but have in you. You might also see bad behavior you want to call out and punish, when it could be a sign to look inward to see any variation of that in you. This is a gift of the inner Visionary.

Someone reminded me that synonyms are helpful. If you are overly critical of someone caught in an affair, you might easily deny that you are also a ‘cheater’ and ‘liar’.

But look up synonyms, and you might ask yourself in what ways big or small:

Am I living up to my vows in all my relationships?

Am I going behind someone’s back, rather than directly addressing needs?

Am I telling untruths or dodging the whole truth or lying by omission?

Am I being untrustworthy?

The reason you get triggered or hooked by others’ behavior is that there’s some intuitive recognition of something in you. Other people can be your mirrors, and if you can’t immediately understand your kinship with their behavior, take time to consider what this smoky mirror is actually showing you.