Hard Truths and Transformation
A friend’s very elder parents are in need of more support, but remain stoic, ferociously independent, and impervious to professional help.
Yet my friend keeps showing up with love and humility to share their observed truth of the situation and ideas about what kind of help could work well for the parents. The other siblings are echoing the desire to support their parents’ continued independence while maximizing safety. This is the Visionary in action, telling the truth without blame or judgement.
Maybe you’re facing the impossible demands of tending to young ones, elders, a sick friend or partner. Any one of these, any combination of these, demands that you take very good care of yourself. To avoid burnout, you may need to gather more support. Staying grounded and centered within a quickly shifting situation is challenging!
One thing my friend has noticed is their parents’ increasingly intense fear of change. Unprocessed grief, fear of death, loss of control, rage, regret, and anxiety cause them to deny, avoid, put up walls, and isolate, I saw this with my parents before we grown kids intervened to get them out of life-threatening trouble. Taking on a parenting role for your parents is a humbling shock at any age.
Telling hard truths is a responsibility you bear for loved ones. Ideally, your loved ones will check you gently too. Holding up a mirror, without blame or judgement is one way to bring healing change.
You can acknowledge another’s complex pain and loss. You can also decline to indulge their delusions and lies meant to preserve an old self-image. You can make way for authenticity, a gift of your inner Visionary, and bring fresh energy to truly face the situation at hand together.
Knowing what’s what and agreeing on the current truth, you can get down to what’s next.
JOURNALING
Where can I initiate a conversation to share my observations of a hard situation, noting the impacts on me and all involved?
Where can I invite another to tell their truth in this hard situation? Can I stay open to listen and learn?
What real connection can happen when I acknowledging the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of all involved?
And only after that, where can I offer help to find solutions?
LET ME KNOW what you discover or if you want my help to practice what truth you’d like to tell
